Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
