your thong is hanging out like whoa
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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