Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize