it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
