i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
