sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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