I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
