he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
