I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
