Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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