She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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