last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
