No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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