I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize