Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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