first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
