maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
