she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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