i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
