So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
