Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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