Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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