Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
