I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
