Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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