8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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