Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
