My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my liver is dry heaving
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize