My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
