first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
