Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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