Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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