You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
