I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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