just tell him i said nine months
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
