During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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