the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
