I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
