A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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