jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
