I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize