i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
