I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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