You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
