What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
