she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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