shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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