You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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