I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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