the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
