my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
