I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
