I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize