is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
