I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
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