The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dicks are not precious.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
