how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize