The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
