"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
