This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're a waste of cheezeits
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
