i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
