It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
