he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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