hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
