You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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