i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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