you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
