I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize