I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
