I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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