Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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