I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize