I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
