she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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