Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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