AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
