I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
