i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize