So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
