I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
