now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
