I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
