I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There's always time for handjobs
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
