Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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