the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
