I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
