u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
