there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize