I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
