Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
