i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We just shotgunned beers for America
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
