i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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