I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
