it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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