...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i think i just lost a toe
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
