My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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