im having a threesome with these popsicles
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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