you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize