there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
