i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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