i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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