Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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