You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
