I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
