I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize