she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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