Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
