There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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