I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
