I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
